Its 3 AM. I am sitting with the laptop on my lap, thinking a thousand things, watching random youtube videos, listening to music with a heater by my side. Basically, I am being 'myself' at this moment. Alone, doing my own things, creating my own scenarios in head, planning some phone calls I am supposed to make tomorrow, just had a tin of Mirinda Citrus (Remind me if I forget that its damn cold here and I am NOT supposed to be careless about my tonsils and a possible ear infection which happens every 6 months, gosh I need to fix myself).
I am neither happy, nor sad at this exact moment. Excited about going for university InshaALLAH in a couple of days. Gloomy about leaving home. Happy about the fact that finally I'd get to do things my way, sad about the fact that the one friend I used to love sharing things with, and literally honored is no where to be found these days.. Optimistic about my studies, pessimistic about the people there.. Confident about doing the right things, scared to fail at them.. All in all, I am being me! Confused, happy, excited, scared, all at the same time!
And I don't really think it's a bad thing. As long as we are not hurting anyone, whatever the qualities we possess, we should be proud of them. And be the owner of our lives, our talents.
Like, If you're a good writer, write for yourself, write with a trust in yourself that says,"this work is owned by me!" Some jealous people with lots and lots of hate in them will consider it arrogance, but the ones who know talent when they see it, will call it confidence and self-trust. Wait, is self-trust even a word? Never mind, point is, be confident about your own existence. Because no matter what you do, no matter how far you go, eventually, it's your soul, your heart, your life, your own existence that matters to you. There'd be good people with you, who support you, love you, or even just make you smile. And there'd be people who'd throw you into the rubbish and basically hurt you to the core of your heart. Both are necessary. Haters, to make you strong enough to face criticism and troubles in your life which eventually makes you stronger. Loved ones, to hold you when you're down or sad! But after all, it's you who matters.
I read once,"If you can't love yourself, don't expect others to love you.." A very true fact, indeed. Because loving one's own self (Not indulging in, of course) is one quality a lot of people don't have in them. Sometimes, when I am angry, or in a mood of despair, I hate myself a lot. But the feeling goes away as soon as mom reminds me that I am that one kid who never gave up since the day I was born. So, I guess that counts for something, right? I am sure, all of you have that one person who tells you that you're a rock star. And you can achieve anything you like.
Not very long ago I came across a group of Comics that were supposed to be 'dark' and 'mysterious'. As I saw them, they were nothing but a very pathetic attempt at being an emo by an emo-wannabee. And the comments went like,"OMG you make me feel like killin' myself, OMG I might want to stay in dark and dieeee cos of your comics.."
I mean, seriously? Is that what you want to do with your life? Make people want to kill themselves? Not amused, WALLAHI, not amused.
The whole point is, be true to yourself, be honest to yourself. Don't tell yourself, and others for that matter, the things which you don't feel inside. If you don't hate someone, don't say it just for the sake of reputation or becoming popular. If you love someone, say it, instead of hiding and pretending like they don't matter to you. And when someone tells you that you make a difference in their life, you're a good influence or as simple as that, that they love you.. Accept it! Learn to honor love, learn to be honest, learn to be courageous and brave enough to show and accept a human gesture!
My maa used to tell me when I was a kid that people who have feelings are more beautiful than the ones who don't. And I used to say, how is that possible? I mean, everyone has feelings.. It's been about 6 years, I guess, since she first told me that.. and now I understand what she truly meant. Feelings, emotions, having the sense to actually feel sincere words, a mere touch, a beautiful voice, a humbling compliment, an irritating piece of criticism is what differentiates Humans and Animals. See, have you ever seen a cat telling another cat that she looks beautiful today because she dyed her hair Maroon? I am sure it's a very big NO from your side... But you must have heard these things a lot in High School, College, while at job, or from a friend, or might have even said it to a friend.. That's what being human is! Being able to interact, feel, express, honor, accept, reject, being able to say what's in your heart, what's in your mind.. is human being! And being able to literally do all of this, practically implying humanity in your words as well as actions is being yourself! If you like a thing, do it. If you have a dream, pursue it. If you despise someone, let them know in a kind, gentle way, which might make them a better person. If you want to dance, do it. Want to smile, do it. Want to cry? Sure, do it. Do, what makes you feel good and proud of yourself.
Another thing which Maa taught me is, being yourself comes with a lot and lot of tests and problems. And man, she is always so right! People, in general, compare the slightly different ones to the seemingly perfect ones and that's one thing which always annoys the living daylights out of me. I mean, WHY???? Individuality, anyone? Have we forgotten about the fact that every person is born an individual with their own LORD-gifted talents and capabilities? I am sure we have, otherwise, we would never be saying,"So and So got 82%, why did you get 81.9%"
As simple as it sounds, it's more simpler to imply in real lives. If you're the one who got 82%, Good for you! Go have a blast, enjoy your day. If you're the one who got 81.9%... Make sure you're a rock star too. Because every effort you put in, every day you tried, may be more than the former one, paid off. And may be, you have much better talents and hidden abilities than the so-and-so one you're being compared to!
Another thing I have to clear up, once again, to those who sometimes really easily judge me as a know-it-all or someone who considers herself an awesome person. Well, yeah, I do think I am kind of awesome, may be because I am.
Ok, jokes apart!
Writing is my refuge. When I am sad, or feeling low, I write poems... Which aren't really poems, just random pieces of writing. And when I feel a need to correct myself, or someone, I write stuff like this, big huge articles in my way of writing that's simple and blunt and honest! And whatever I write, is first an advice to my ownself, than a little humble suggestion to all those who read it! I write things that make sense to me, that mean something to me. If someone tells me to be confident or proud, I won't be unless I know deep in my heart that it's the right thing to do. If I feel it, I'd honor that person, their advice and apply in my real life. If no, then LORD be with them, I would pretend I never even heard from them! Mean, I know, but sometimes, you need to close your ears to trolls and open your eyes to people that matter. People who actually want the best for you.. People who truly DO love you! Even if all they can do is tell you how much you mean to them, and how much they honor your presence in their life! People you actually love, the ones that make you feel better, make you feel alive and make your life beautiful! Because being deaf to the world is fine, being blind to love is not. Be yourself, be a human, no matter how small or insignificant the situation might be... Just be who you are, just be what ALLAH made you; A Human!
I am neither happy, nor sad at this exact moment. Excited about going for university InshaALLAH in a couple of days. Gloomy about leaving home. Happy about the fact that finally I'd get to do things my way, sad about the fact that the one friend I used to love sharing things with, and literally honored is no where to be found these days.. Optimistic about my studies, pessimistic about the people there.. Confident about doing the right things, scared to fail at them.. All in all, I am being me! Confused, happy, excited, scared, all at the same time!
And I don't really think it's a bad thing. As long as we are not hurting anyone, whatever the qualities we possess, we should be proud of them. And be the owner of our lives, our talents.
Like, If you're a good writer, write for yourself, write with a trust in yourself that says,"this work is owned by me!" Some jealous people with lots and lots of hate in them will consider it arrogance, but the ones who know talent when they see it, will call it confidence and self-trust. Wait, is self-trust even a word? Never mind, point is, be confident about your own existence. Because no matter what you do, no matter how far you go, eventually, it's your soul, your heart, your life, your own existence that matters to you. There'd be good people with you, who support you, love you, or even just make you smile. And there'd be people who'd throw you into the rubbish and basically hurt you to the core of your heart. Both are necessary. Haters, to make you strong enough to face criticism and troubles in your life which eventually makes you stronger. Loved ones, to hold you when you're down or sad! But after all, it's you who matters.
I read once,"If you can't love yourself, don't expect others to love you.." A very true fact, indeed. Because loving one's own self (Not indulging in, of course) is one quality a lot of people don't have in them. Sometimes, when I am angry, or in a mood of despair, I hate myself a lot. But the feeling goes away as soon as mom reminds me that I am that one kid who never gave up since the day I was born. So, I guess that counts for something, right? I am sure, all of you have that one person who tells you that you're a rock star. And you can achieve anything you like.
Not very long ago I came across a group of Comics that were supposed to be 'dark' and 'mysterious'. As I saw them, they were nothing but a very pathetic attempt at being an emo by an emo-wannabee. And the comments went like,"OMG you make me feel like killin' myself, OMG I might want to stay in dark and dieeee cos of your comics.."
I mean, seriously? Is that what you want to do with your life? Make people want to kill themselves? Not amused, WALLAHI, not amused.
The whole point is, be true to yourself, be honest to yourself. Don't tell yourself, and others for that matter, the things which you don't feel inside. If you don't hate someone, don't say it just for the sake of reputation or becoming popular. If you love someone, say it, instead of hiding and pretending like they don't matter to you. And when someone tells you that you make a difference in their life, you're a good influence or as simple as that, that they love you.. Accept it! Learn to honor love, learn to be honest, learn to be courageous and brave enough to show and accept a human gesture!
My maa used to tell me when I was a kid that people who have feelings are more beautiful than the ones who don't. And I used to say, how is that possible? I mean, everyone has feelings.. It's been about 6 years, I guess, since she first told me that.. and now I understand what she truly meant. Feelings, emotions, having the sense to actually feel sincere words, a mere touch, a beautiful voice, a humbling compliment, an irritating piece of criticism is what differentiates Humans and Animals. See, have you ever seen a cat telling another cat that she looks beautiful today because she dyed her hair Maroon? I am sure it's a very big NO from your side... But you must have heard these things a lot in High School, College, while at job, or from a friend, or might have even said it to a friend.. That's what being human is! Being able to interact, feel, express, honor, accept, reject, being able to say what's in your heart, what's in your mind.. is human being! And being able to literally do all of this, practically implying humanity in your words as well as actions is being yourself! If you like a thing, do it. If you have a dream, pursue it. If you despise someone, let them know in a kind, gentle way, which might make them a better person. If you want to dance, do it. Want to smile, do it. Want to cry? Sure, do it. Do, what makes you feel good and proud of yourself.
Another thing which Maa taught me is, being yourself comes with a lot and lot of tests and problems. And man, she is always so right! People, in general, compare the slightly different ones to the seemingly perfect ones and that's one thing which always annoys the living daylights out of me. I mean, WHY???? Individuality, anyone? Have we forgotten about the fact that every person is born an individual with their own LORD-gifted talents and capabilities? I am sure we have, otherwise, we would never be saying,"So and So got 82%, why did you get 81.9%"
As simple as it sounds, it's more simpler to imply in real lives. If you're the one who got 82%, Good for you! Go have a blast, enjoy your day. If you're the one who got 81.9%... Make sure you're a rock star too. Because every effort you put in, every day you tried, may be more than the former one, paid off. And may be, you have much better talents and hidden abilities than the so-and-so one you're being compared to!
Another thing I have to clear up, once again, to those who sometimes really easily judge me as a know-it-all or someone who considers herself an awesome person. Well, yeah, I do think I am kind of awesome, may be because I am.
Ok, jokes apart!
Writing is my refuge. When I am sad, or feeling low, I write poems... Which aren't really poems, just random pieces of writing. And when I feel a need to correct myself, or someone, I write stuff like this, big huge articles in my way of writing that's simple and blunt and honest! And whatever I write, is first an advice to my ownself, than a little humble suggestion to all those who read it! I write things that make sense to me, that mean something to me. If someone tells me to be confident or proud, I won't be unless I know deep in my heart that it's the right thing to do. If I feel it, I'd honor that person, their advice and apply in my real life. If no, then LORD be with them, I would pretend I never even heard from them! Mean, I know, but sometimes, you need to close your ears to trolls and open your eyes to people that matter. People who actually want the best for you.. People who truly DO love you! Even if all they can do is tell you how much you mean to them, and how much they honor your presence in their life! People you actually love, the ones that make you feel better, make you feel alive and make your life beautiful! Because being deaf to the world is fine, being blind to love is not. Be yourself, be a human, no matter how small or insignificant the situation might be... Just be who you are, just be what ALLAH made you; A Human!
"Human Being Is A Creation Of Divine, Being A Human Is Honoring The Divine!"
- Maryam!
