A truly beautiful and meaningful video.. LOVE IT <3
- Maryam
Saturday, May 26, 2012
Saturday, May 5, 2012
... everything will be fine, trust me!
Underestimating one's self is not something new to human species. In one way or the other, we all consider ourselves lesser than somebody else. We meet people with better looks, better skills and/or abilities and talents and tell ourselves "I wish I were that good.." It happens, a lot of times, when all a person thinks is,"I am not good enough."
It has been happening to me, for quite some time now. Unable to figure out my destination and completely lost in the hypocrisy of this world, I have absolutely no clue where I stand. It's everyday I wake up, get ready, go to the university and sit in the same class. But, it's everyday, I feel more and more lost. The people I became friends with in the beginning, seem so close, yet so unfamiliar. It's hard to know whether what they are saying is trust-worthy, or just a pack of lies with no deeper meaning. When they ask me,"How are you.." It seems more like if they want to know whether I am getting worse and they are successful in making my life a living hell. I ignore, again and again, on a daily basis the feelings, the pathetic assumptions that everyone who tries to come close to me is a liar, a hypocrite. I tell myself on an hourly basis that,"No! Not everyone is bad, not everyone lies... Not everyone is a hypocrite.." Yet, my conscience keeps telling me,"Beware! The world is full of wolves wearing human masks. They'll eat you and throw the rest of you like you never existed."
Then comes that bunch of people who have a feeling called... Jealousy. The fact that I can smile, even when I have a 104 Fever is not digestible to a lot of people. The fact that I still get a chance to talk to a lot of people, say, whomsoever I want, is not easy for many people to accept. In the beginning, I used to think that it's just my own fear of being hurt that makes me think that people are jealous of me. But when I see some of my so-called close friends having a sad, or say angry, look on their faces when I am happy with other people, it does tell me how they feel. It's a simple life, yet so tough. It's simple smiles people just can't handle. It's honest answers they cannot accept. It's every day, when you have to smile, even when it's the last thing you want to do.
So many days, I am in a crowd, but the loneliness inside me does not go away. I laugh, smile, pretend that everything is perfectly all right, but deep inside, my heart knows that there is something missing. A gap, a void is there, which never fills, even with the happiest of moments. As every happy day ends with something which makes me feel,"I am not good enough."
They say, it's good to rely on yourself rather than relying on the world. Yes, it's absolutely true. But till when? There comes a time in every person's life when they want to hold someone truly. When they want to hug somebody, hold their hand, and just ignore the rest of the world. It's not simple ABC, but it's no rocket-science either. Is there somebody for all of us? Somebody who would say,"It's going to be Ok because I am here, with you.. It's going to be Ok because I am there for you.."
I guess yeah, there is someone, somewhere out there, who would tell me that I am a perfect person, if not for the world, then for that one person.. I guess, somewhere, out there, there is someone who would make me smile genuinely when it's the last thing I want to do. Because I am tired of telling others that life is a gift, enjoy it, when my life is too confusing, scary and complicated. I am losing myself in the daily fights of pretending to smile and telling myself that it's going to be fine. I hope and sometimes I do pray that somebody tells me.."Everything will be fine, Trust Me.."
An apology to all those who might be offended reading this and saying,"OMG! What an Emo..." Yeah, I am sorry, I am not up to the mark of being a happy shiny person. I am a human being, who is currently lost, feels absolutely useless and needs a new start, or at least, meet someone who is exactly as honest as he pretends to be.. Someone who would proudly hold my hand, in front of the whole world and say,"I can take care of her just because she is the one for me, she is the most perfect to me! And because she is the only different person I see.."
It has been happening to me, for quite some time now. Unable to figure out my destination and completely lost in the hypocrisy of this world, I have absolutely no clue where I stand. It's everyday I wake up, get ready, go to the university and sit in the same class. But, it's everyday, I feel more and more lost. The people I became friends with in the beginning, seem so close, yet so unfamiliar. It's hard to know whether what they are saying is trust-worthy, or just a pack of lies with no deeper meaning. When they ask me,"How are you.." It seems more like if they want to know whether I am getting worse and they are successful in making my life a living hell. I ignore, again and again, on a daily basis the feelings, the pathetic assumptions that everyone who tries to come close to me is a liar, a hypocrite. I tell myself on an hourly basis that,"No! Not everyone is bad, not everyone lies... Not everyone is a hypocrite.." Yet, my conscience keeps telling me,"Beware! The world is full of wolves wearing human masks. They'll eat you and throw the rest of you like you never existed."
Then comes that bunch of people who have a feeling called... Jealousy. The fact that I can smile, even when I have a 104 Fever is not digestible to a lot of people. The fact that I still get a chance to talk to a lot of people, say, whomsoever I want, is not easy for many people to accept. In the beginning, I used to think that it's just my own fear of being hurt that makes me think that people are jealous of me. But when I see some of my so-called close friends having a sad, or say angry, look on their faces when I am happy with other people, it does tell me how they feel. It's a simple life, yet so tough. It's simple smiles people just can't handle. It's honest answers they cannot accept. It's every day, when you have to smile, even when it's the last thing you want to do.
So many days, I am in a crowd, but the loneliness inside me does not go away. I laugh, smile, pretend that everything is perfectly all right, but deep inside, my heart knows that there is something missing. A gap, a void is there, which never fills, even with the happiest of moments. As every happy day ends with something which makes me feel,"I am not good enough."
They say, it's good to rely on yourself rather than relying on the world. Yes, it's absolutely true. But till when? There comes a time in every person's life when they want to hold someone truly. When they want to hug somebody, hold their hand, and just ignore the rest of the world. It's not simple ABC, but it's no rocket-science either. Is there somebody for all of us? Somebody who would say,"It's going to be Ok because I am here, with you.. It's going to be Ok because I am there for you.."
I guess yeah, there is someone, somewhere out there, who would tell me that I am a perfect person, if not for the world, then for that one person.. I guess, somewhere, out there, there is someone who would make me smile genuinely when it's the last thing I want to do. Because I am tired of telling others that life is a gift, enjoy it, when my life is too confusing, scary and complicated. I am losing myself in the daily fights of pretending to smile and telling myself that it's going to be fine. I hope and sometimes I do pray that somebody tells me.."Everything will be fine, Trust Me.."
An apology to all those who might be offended reading this and saying,"OMG! What an Emo..." Yeah, I am sorry, I am not up to the mark of being a happy shiny person. I am a human being, who is currently lost, feels absolutely useless and needs a new start, or at least, meet someone who is exactly as honest as he pretends to be.. Someone who would proudly hold my hand, in front of the whole world and say,"I can take care of her just because she is the one for me, she is the most perfect to me! And because she is the only different person I see.."
- Maryam
Monday, February 27, 2012
A Beautiful Life!
Experiences, and a lot of them. University is actually the best thing that ever happened to me. I am so glad I chose to come here. Not because it's fun and all, but it gives me the experiences I need and want. It makes you see, observe, discover the hidden beauties and beastly behaviors of people. Undoubtedly, it's a hard life. But the best part about it is, you get to meet the 'type' of people you never thought even existed.
Today, I had the honor of meeting such people. SRC, the Students Resource Center, is students' clubs for recreational and extra curricular activities. I met the people of Music Society. Genuinely nice human beings. The impression I had in my head about the 'rockstars' of the university immediately vanished when I met them all in person.
Today, the auditions of Music Society were being held and one of my class fellows had to take part. Me and some other friends went with him to basically 'back him up' in case he messes up!
The atmosphere, which was created there, made me feel like singing as well, and I sang! Yes, I am NOT a singer, not even close, but this was fun. Singing infront of some seriously professional and good singers, this was embarrassing, but fun at the same time. They told me i was "good". All right! They had to, you know, appreciate my efforts to sing.. Which they did rather nicely.
Then came the part where Naseer Afridi became all personal with us, the freshmen of the university. And man, he is a gentleman! May ALLAH bless this person. His behavior with us was so nice, even I was impressed (Being a person who is hardly ever impressed by anyone, this was rather pleasing).
Then he sang for us. Made my day, or say, made my week. Listening to him, and bro Anis, Live was a pleasure and honor in itself.
Now I realize, I had such small exposure to life back in home. No matter what, home is home. But still, I had no idea what life outside the laptop really looks like. And now, I feel like making everyday count. Yes, I am speaking titanic :P
It's a beautiful life, Alhamdulillah! Sometimes, it gets tiring, depressing and even frustrating. But at the end of the day, it's making me come 'this' close to my goal! And I hope, InshaALLAH, I am able to achieve what I truly want.
- Maryam
Today, I had the honor of meeting such people. SRC, the Students Resource Center, is students' clubs for recreational and extra curricular activities. I met the people of Music Society. Genuinely nice human beings. The impression I had in my head about the 'rockstars' of the university immediately vanished when I met them all in person.
Today, the auditions of Music Society were being held and one of my class fellows had to take part. Me and some other friends went with him to basically 'back him up' in case he messes up!
The atmosphere, which was created there, made me feel like singing as well, and I sang! Yes, I am NOT a singer, not even close, but this was fun. Singing infront of some seriously professional and good singers, this was embarrassing, but fun at the same time. They told me i was "good". All right! They had to, you know, appreciate my efforts to sing.. Which they did rather nicely.
Then came the part where Naseer Afridi became all personal with us, the freshmen of the university. And man, he is a gentleman! May ALLAH bless this person. His behavior with us was so nice, even I was impressed (Being a person who is hardly ever impressed by anyone, this was rather pleasing).
Then he sang for us. Made my day, or say, made my week. Listening to him, and bro Anis, Live was a pleasure and honor in itself.
Now I realize, I had such small exposure to life back in home. No matter what, home is home. But still, I had no idea what life outside the laptop really looks like. And now, I feel like making everyday count. Yes, I am speaking titanic :P
It's a beautiful life, Alhamdulillah! Sometimes, it gets tiring, depressing and even frustrating. But at the end of the day, it's making me come 'this' close to my goal! And I hope, InshaALLAH, I am able to achieve what I truly want.
- Maryam
Wednesday, February 1, 2012
Home was there...
Sometimes, yes, it does get very lonely. Living in a tri-seater room alone basically means you're blessed and cursed at the same time.
I am in hostel, tomorrow happens to be the day my orientation would happen. I am excited but scared at the same time. University is not an easy life, and I am prepared for it. But what I am thankful for is that i have got the best set of people around me who are caring, loving and basically my saviors.
It wasn't going to be easy anyway, nor did i expect it to be. But sometimes I really want to close my eyes and open them in Saudi Arabia in the arms of my mom! Man, I miss her. But as they say,"To be successful, you have to sacrifice.." I am grateful to ALLAH for giving me one of the best blessings; Education and experience. Alhamdulillah..
But yes, sometimes... It does get very lonely.. and I wish to run away into a fantasy where life was easy.. Mom was there.. Siblings were there.. Dad was there.. HOME WAS THERE! I miss you all, desperately!
- Maryam!
I am in hostel, tomorrow happens to be the day my orientation would happen. I am excited but scared at the same time. University is not an easy life, and I am prepared for it. But what I am thankful for is that i have got the best set of people around me who are caring, loving and basically my saviors.
It wasn't going to be easy anyway, nor did i expect it to be. But sometimes I really want to close my eyes and open them in Saudi Arabia in the arms of my mom! Man, I miss her. But as they say,"To be successful, you have to sacrifice.." I am grateful to ALLAH for giving me one of the best blessings; Education and experience. Alhamdulillah..
But yes, sometimes... It does get very lonely.. and I wish to run away into a fantasy where life was easy.. Mom was there.. Siblings were there.. Dad was there.. HOME WAS THERE! I miss you all, desperately!
- Maryam!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)